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  one who is striking at the root."
- Henry David Thoreau
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Miscellaneous Articles

Advice on Intoxication
Ancient Explosion Reports
Ancient Scholastics
Anecdotes
Annals of Addiction
Some Atheist Questions
Can We Agree on these?
Constructive Criticism
Critical Issues
Critique of A New Earth
Dead Broke Dads
Faith in Biblical Codes
Flying in Formation
John the Baptist
The Brothers Karamazov
How the World Will End
Importance of Catastrophism
Importance of Discussion
Kahlil Gibran on Law
Euhemerism & Catastrophe
EU/Catastrophe & Philosophy
Thoughts on Meditation
Model for Visions & Dreams
Telepathic Ability
Some Pertinent Parables
Personal Experience
Perspective on Myth
Questions Better than Answers
The Road to Saturn Thesis
Sacred Writings
Sex Bias in Medicine Practice
Spiritual versus Material
Symbolism of Human Body
Tobacco Corruption in AMA
Toxic Metals & Criminality
Unity Agreement Outline
The Velikovsky Debate
Unity Church Letter
Some Conclusions
The Velikovsky Affair Journals
What is a Prophet?
Video-lecture links

Colorized Quotes from the Black and White Era
01/04/2020

  1. The devil's boots don't creak. - Scottish Proverb
    The devil's sneakers don't squawk. - NBA Proverb
  2. Women make us poets, children make us philosophers. - Chazal
    Women can make us poorer, children can send us into poverty. - Thazal
  3. Those who know the least obey the best. - Farquhar
    Those who release the NO are best obeyed. - Farquhat?
  4. In the contest between ease and liberty, the first hath generally prevailed. - Halifax
    In the contest between sex and maturity, bet on the first. - Hell-wi-facts
  5. One law for the ox and the ass is oppression. - Blake
    One law for the ox and the ass is now considered to be good politically correct anti-discrimination policy. - Bleak
  6. Defend me from my friends, I can defend myself from my enemies. - Marechal Villars
    Defend me from the government, I'll take my chances with my friends. - Mad-as-Hellars
  7. Progress is the mother of problems. - Chesterton
    'Progress' may now be the "mother of all problems." - Chestwrong
  8. It takes time to ruin a world, but time is all it takes. - Fontenelle
    It takes slime to ruin this world, but slime is all it takes. - Fountain-in-hell
  9. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. - Santayana
    Those who cannot remember the past are gonna eat it. - Sayonara
  10. The minority is sometimes right; the majority always wrong. - Shaw
    The minority is always strong; the majority never bright. - Pfshaw
  11. Man is constrained to be more or less social by his mode of propagation. - Santayana 
    Man is getting restrained in being social in his mode of propagation by AIDS. - Sayagaina
  12. Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. - Thoreau
    Most men lead lives of quietly jumping through the hoops and then just watching television. - Tauss
  13. All that is good in man lies in youthful feeling and mature thought. - Joubert
    All that is right in man lies in fleeing youthful feeling and mature cynicism. - Youbet
  14. Whoever has flattered his friend successfully, must at once think himself a knave, and his friend a fool. - Pope 
    Whoever has flattered his friend successfully, must at once think himself suave, and his friend a tool. - Poke
  15. The major fact about history is that in large part it appears criminal. - W. E. Arnold, Jr. 
    The major fact about history is that in large part it IS damn criminal. - "Ornery" Arnie, Sr
  16. Life must be lived forwards, but can only be understood backwards. - Kierkegaard 
    These days, life must be lived on fast forward, but should only be returned after backwards rewinding. - V. C. Guard
  17. Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own. - Lichtenberg 
    Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages WON'T be thought of as including our own.  Lichtenerd
  18. All men are born truthful, and die liars. - Vauvenargues
    All men are born, and die. - Whocanargues
  19. Man is what he believes. - Chekhov 
    Man feels like what he believes he has in the bank. - Chekhaccount
  20. By that time men are fit for company, they see the objection to it. - Halifax 
    By that time men are fit for the corporation, they should object to it. - Sendafax
  21. We are much harder on people who betray us in small ways than on people who betray others in great ones. - La Rochefoucauld 
    We are generally much harder on people who betray us in small ways than on people who betray even us in great ones. - La Whosefauld
  22. We are less hurt by the contempt of fools than by the luke warm approval of men of intelligence. - Vauvenargues 
    We are really dissed when we are "damned by faint praise." - Whocanargue
  23. It takes taste to account for taste. - Spanish Proverb 
    It takes waste to account for waste. - Government Truism
  24. It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. - Mencken 
    It is hard to believe that a politician is telling the truth. - Don' Mentionit
  25. A man who could not seduce men cannot save them either. - Kierkegaard 
    A man who could not reduce men cannot have them either. - Kiestergaard
  26. He that fears you present will hate you absent. - Thomas Fuller 
    He that bears you present would like you absent. - Thomas Fooler
  27. We refuse praise from a desire to be praised twice. - La Rochefoucauld 
    We refuse to raise from a desire to be raised twice. - La Pocherface
  28. Men are so necessarily mad, that not to be mad would amount to another form of madness. - Pascal 
    Men are so necessarily mad, that not to be mad would amount to a form of what we now call normal. - Rascal
  29. On the highest throne in the world, man sits on his arse. - Montaigne 
    On being thrown too high in the world, a man generally lands on his arse. - S.O. Maintaign
  30. What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves. - Santayana 
    If others think of us it would be momentous and, when known, make us cringe when we think only of ourselves. - Sayagaina
  31. His passions make man live, his wisdom merely makes him last. - Chamfort 
    His passions make man jive, his couch allows him to rest. - Comfort
  32.  It is unfortunate, considering that enthusiasm moves the world, that so few enthusiasts can be trusted to speak the truth. - Balfour 
    It is unfortunate, considering that enthusiasm moves the world, that the enthusiast is out of touch with the truth. - BallFour
  33. There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes, and those who do not. - Benchley 
    There may be said to be one class of people in the world; those who constantly say things to divide the people of the world into two classes. - Belchley
  34. Academic and aristocratic people live in such an uncommon atmosphere that common sense can rarely reach them. - Samuel Butler 
    Lawyers and politicians live in such an unholy atmosphere that common sense is alien to them. -  Uncle Sam's Butler
  35. The secret of being a bore is to tell everything. - Voltaire 
    The secret of being a whore is to sell everything. - Wattevaire
  36. He who can lick can bite. - French Proverb 
    He who can suck can make a hickey. - French Kissingher
  37. I think; therefore I am. - Descartes 
    I feel, therefore I am hurt. - Dehorsees Infront Descartes
  38. The flower in the vase still smiles, but no longer laughs. - Chazal 
    He who thinks the flower in the vase is smiling has never had his stem cut. - Thazal
  39. Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises. - Samuel Butler 
    Life is the art of watching the government drawing sufficient funds from insufficient sources. - Uncle Sam's Butler
  40. Courage ought to have eyes as well as arms. - English Proverb 
    Courage does have eyes, but it is so bad out there, courage is afraid to look. - English Proven
  41. To understand the world, and to like it, are two things not easily to be reconciled. - Halifax 
    To understand the world, and to accept it, are two things not to be reconciled. - Hold d'Facts
  42. If I dealt in candles, the sun would never set. - Ancient Yiddish Proverb 
    If you deal in candles now, you have to get an environmental impact permit. - Modern Bidniz Proven
  43. The girl who can't dance says the band can't play. - Yiddish Proverb
    The girl who won't dance is saying the man can't play. - Skittish Proverb
  44. The unexamined life is not worth living. - Socrates 
    Remember that the one who said, "The unexamined life is not worth living" drank a cup of Hemlock. - SoWhatees
  45. Good judgment comes from experience.  Experience comes from bad judgment. - Unknown 
    Bad judgment just is. - Ivy Known
  46. Possession is the grave of love. - Proverb 
    If possession is the grave of love, then marriage is the undertaker. - Proven
  47. In love, there is always one who kisses and one who offers the cheek. - French Proverb 
    In kissing, there is always one who sucks and one who offers the tongue. - French Kissingher
  48. It is a mistake to speak of a bad choice in love, since, as soon as a choice exists, it can only be bad. - Proust 
    It is a mistake to... OK, I don't want to talk about it. - Proudxt
  49. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Goethe 
    A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished, and a profusion of the real instead of the ideal is the punishment. - Goetherder
  50. Money swore an oath that nobody that did not love it should ever have it. - Irish Proverb 
    Money swore an oath that nobody that did not love it should ever have it, but surely money is going to cheat once for me. - Iwish Proverb
  51.  In driving, the horse does the work and the coachman is tipped. - Anonymous 
    In drinking, the driver does the tippling and the horse gets jerked. - Al Anonymous
  52. Skepticism is the chastity of the intellect. - Santayana
    If skepticism is the chastity of the intellect, then cynicism must be its consummation. - Sayagaina
  53. The mind's direction is more important than its progress. - Joubert 
    The mind's election is more important than the body's direction. - Youbet
  54. Our minds are lazier than our bodies. - La Rochefoucauld 
    Our minds are lazier than our bodies, but my mind is more ambitious than my body. - Fife Le CaucRoche
  55. The discovery of a new dish does more for human happiness than the discovery of a new star. - Brillat-Savarin 
    The discovery of a new dish (babe, tomato, temptress, bimbo  or whatever you want to call them) does more for a man's happiness than the discovery of just about anything else. - Brilliant-Sapsarein
  56. The course of a river is almost always disapproved of by its source. - Cocteau 
    The course of a giver is almost always approved of by his recipient. - Cock Toe
  57. Thou hast commanded that an ill-regulated mind should be its own punishment. - Saint Augustine 
    Thou hast now commanded that an ill-regulated mind should be a talk show host. - Saint Bauglestine
  58. In baiting a mouse trap with cheese, always leave room for the mouse. - Saki 
    In baiting a male trap with cheesecake, always leave little room for his mind. - Sakitome
  59. Sentimental irony is a dog that bays at the moon while he pisses on a grave. - Kraus 
    Political irony is a dog that bays at the moon while he gravely pisses on. - Karaus
  60. To know the world, one must construct it. - Pavese 
    To know the world, one must object to it.  So don't do it, you really don't want to know. -  Havease
  61. Let not thy will roar, when thy power can but whisper. - Dr. Fuller 
    Let not thy word roar, when thy deed can but whimper. - Dr. Fooler
  62. Nothing Nothings! - Heidegger 
     0.0's.  - Lowdiggiter
  63. Nature is a hanging judge. - Anonymous 
    Nature sentences us to the vicissitudes of life without parole. - Synonymous
  64. The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges. - France 
    Nature, in its majestic equanimity, forbids the rich to sleep as well as the poor under stresses. - Frantic
  65. The world is ruled by force, not by opinion; but opinion uses force. - Pascal 
    The world is ruled by force, not by opinion; but force is generally abused by opinion. -  Rascal
  66. In a war of ideas it is people who get killed. -  Lec 
    In a corporation it is the idea people who get killed. -  Slick
  67. The world of politics is always twenty years behind the world of thought. - Chapman 
    The world of politics is now always out of touch with the world of thought. - Cheapman
  68. Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. - Shaw 
    Democracy now substitutes reelection by political action committees for election by the corrupt many. - Pfshaw
  69. No government can be long secure without a formidable opposition. -   Disraeli 
    No American government can be long secure without preposterous promises. - Disisreality
  70. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. - Anonymous 
    You can lead a drunk to water, but he won't bless you for it. - Al Anonymo
  71. If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. - Halifax
    If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers and never get around to complain about much else. - Sendemafax
  72. Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Lamb 
    Lawyers, it is hard to believe, were children once. - Rambo
  73. This morning we condemned three men to death.  Two of them definitely deserved it.. -  Chamfort 
    This morning we condemned three men to death.  Two of them definitely deserved it.  They were lawyers. - Discomfort
  74. He cures most in whom most have faith. - Galen 
    He cons most in whom most have faith. - Walen
  75. A lion must feel more secure that God is on his side than a gazelle. - Santayana 
    A politician must feel more secure that power is on his side than a voter. - Sayagaina
  76. Ethics is the art of recommending to others what they must do to get along with ourselves. - B. Russell 
    Diplomacy is the art of discretely recommending to others what they must do to get along. - B. Rustle
  77.  If life and the soul are sacred, the body is sacred. -  Whitman 
    If the body and soul are scared, the man is scared. - Blacman
  78.  The gods are those who either have money or do not want itSamuel Butler II 
    The pols are those who spend more money to achieve things we do not want. - Uncle Sam's Butler Too
  79.  Let me smile with the wise, and feed with the rich. - Dr. Johnson 
    Let me fret with the wise, and smirk with the rich . - Dr. Jerkson
  80.  How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. - Thoreau 
    How evil it is to sit and enjoy what is right when you have not stood up to what is wrong. -  Tauss
  81.  An actor is a sculptor who carves in snow. - Barrett 
    An actor is a character who craves to be in show. - Bareit
  82.  Music is the brandy of the damned. - Shaw 
    Musak is the brand of the condemned. - Pfshaw
  83.  There is a smile of love, and there is a smile of deceit,
    and there is a smile of smiles, in which these two smiles meet. - Blake 
    There is the ecstasy of winning, there is the agony of defeat,
    and there is that awful time, in which these two compete. -  Bleak
  84.  Women always show more taste in their choice of underclothing than in their choice of jewelry. - Chazal 
    Women who show more waist usually show less taste. - Thazal
  85.  The fashion wears out more apparel than the man. - Shakespeare 
    The fashion brings out more appeal than the woman. - Akespeart
  86.  Noise: a stench in the ear.  The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization BierceRap: a wrench in the ear.  The chief product and degenerating sign of Western civilization. - Pierce
  87.  All rising to a great place is by a winding stair. - Bacon 
    All rising to great politics is by a windy stair. - Beconned
  88.  As a general rule, nobody has money who ought to have it. - Disraeli 
    As a general rule, nobody has credit who ought to have it. - Disainreali
  89.  It is a luxury to be understood. - Emerson 
    It is a fantasy to be understood. - Dreamerson
  90.  Solitude is dangerous to reason, without being favorable to virtue. - Dr. Johnson 
    Solitude is dangerous to reason, without being favorable to virtue; whereas reason is dangerous to company, and virtue won't hurt you. -  Doc Yawnansin
  91.  Nothing is truer in a sense than a funeral oration; it tells precisely what the dead man should have been. - Vapereau 
    Nothing is deader than truth in a political oration; it tells precisely what the man should do but won't. - Vapereaus
  92. Consolation, for the damned, is to be one of many. - Italian Proverb 
    Corporate consolidation, for the manager, is to become one of the managed.. - It alien Proverb
  93. Better be quarreling than lonesome. - Irish Proverb 
    Better be frolicking than without some. - Iwish Proverb
  94.  Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you.  Their tastes may not be the same. - Shaw 
    Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you.  Their sexual preferences may not be that kinky. - Pfshaw
  95.  The world will only, in the end, follow those who have despised as well as served it. - Samuel Butler II 
    The voter, in the end, will follow those who have deprived as well as starved him. - Uncle Sam's Butler Too
  96.  Society is a sort of organism on the growth of which conscious efforts can exercise little effect. - Marx 
    Society, as a sort of organism, is a growth of cancer on which conscious efforts to exercise a little restraint have no effect. - Morex
  97.  The key to everything is patience.  You get the chicken by hatching the egg–not by smashing it. - Arnold Glasow 
    The key to everything is pressure.  You get the chicken by watching him and by catching him do it. - Anyold Thasow
  98.  Oaths are the fossils of piety. - Santayana 
    Oaths are the missiles of foolery. - Sayagaina
  99.  Success has always been a great liar. - Nietzsche 
    Success has always been a great lair. -  Aintzsche
  100. . -  The value of a principle is the number of things it will explain. - Emerson 
    The value of principal is the interest and profit it will generate. - Gimmesom
  101. . -  Fundamental progress has to do with the reinterpretation of basic facts. - Whitehead 
    Fundamental regress has to do with the constant corruption of basic facts. - Blackhead
  102. . -  To be engaged in opposing wrong affords but a slender guarantee for being right. -  Gladstone 
    To be engaged in opposing wrong affords but a slender chance for even surviving. - Gladhand
  103. . -  Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel. - Dr. Johnson 
    Politics is the best refuge of a scoundrel. - Doc Yawnansin
  104. . -  Integrity is praised and starves. - Juvenal 
    Integrity used to be praised before it starved. - Juvenile
  105. . -  The first requirement of a statesman is that he be dull.  This is not always easy to achieve . - Dean Acheson 
    The first requirement of a politician is that he be full of bull.  This is always easy to achieve. - De Acherson
  106. . -  What one knows is, in youth, of little moment; they know enough who know how to learn. - Henry B. Adams 
    What one does is, in youth, of some moment; they know best who know how to just yearn for awhile. - Hornie B. AdamsanEves
  107. . -  A thick skin is a gift from God. -  Konrad Adenauer 
    A thick skim is a grift from God. - Komrad Adenoid
  108. . -  It is always easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. - Alfred Adler 
    It is always easier to fight one's principles than to fight for them. - Alfired Addlem
  109. . -  The truth which makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear. - Herbert Agar 
    The truth which makes men free is for the most part the truth which men have never understood.. - Herr Vin Agar
  110. . -  Bigamy is having one husband too many.  Monogamy is the same. - Anonymous 
    Bigamy is having one wife too many.  Monogamy is a shame.  Polygamy may be just about right.. - Synonforus
  111. . -  God is not dead but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project. - Anonymous 
    God is not dead but alive and working hard on staying out of the way. - Synonymous
  112. Military rules: if it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; and if you can't pick it up, paint it. - Anonymous 
    Political rules: if it moves, poll it; if it doesn't move, spin control it; and if you can't spin control it, paint it with damage control. - Erronymous 
    Corporate rules: if it moves, pollute it; if it doesn't move, use it up; and if you can't use it up, paint it with green hype. - Exxonymous
  113. Life is a sexually transmitted disease. -  Anonymous 
    A wife is a sexually transacted disaster. - Woeonymous
  114. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. - Anonymous 
    Nostalgia is what it refused to be at the time. -  Anoldemouse
  115. There is love of course.  And then there's life, its enemy. - Jean Anouilh 
    There is life of course.  And then there's dying, its enema. - Jeans Arfouilh
  116. One reason why I don't drink is because I wish to know when I am having a good time. - Nancy Astor 
    One reason why I drink is because I don't wish to know when I am not having a good time. - Who-aster
  117. Private faces in public places
    Are wiser and nicer
    Than public faces in private places. - W. H. Auden 
    In private, faces in pubic places
    Are wiser and nicer
    Than faces in private places in public. - W. H. Waudem
  118. It seems that I have spent my entire time trying to make life more rational and that it was all wasted effort. - A. J. Ayer 
    It seems that I have spent my entire life trying to make time more sensational and that it was all wastrel effort. - I.M. Payer
  119. Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex; you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you did. - James Baldwin 
    Money, it turns out, isn't exactly like sex; when you spend it, it doesn't necessarily come back to you in a day or two. - A. Baldloss
  120. There is less in this than meets the eye  Tallulah Bankhead 
    There is more in this than fetes the I Youtellah Blockhead
  121. A rich man told me recently that a liberal is a man who tells other people what to do with their money. -  I. A. Baraka 
    A wise man told me recently that a conservative is a man who tells other people what to do with their honey. - I.M. Baroka
  122. What the public wants is the image of passion, not passion itself. - Roland Barthes 
    What the public wants these days is the image of reason, not reason itself. - Rolland Barffe
  123. Marriage always demands the finest arts of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum 
    These days, divorce usually rewards the finest parts of sincerity possible between two human beings. - Yicki Baummer
  124. Beauty and the lust for learning have yet to be allied. - Max Beerbohm 
    Sometimes it seems that beauty and the yearning for lust have yet to be allied.. - Max Beerbreath
  125. You will think me lamentably crude; my experience of life has been drawn from life itself. - Max Beerbohm 
    You will think me lamentably stewed; my experience of the night has been drawn from the tap. - Max Beerbreath
  126. When I am dead,
    I hope it may be said
    'His sins were scarlet,
    but his books were read'. - Hilaire Belloc 
    When I am dead,
    I hope it may be said:
    'His sins were scarlet,
    especially in the bed.'. - Hellraisin Bellhop
  127. Definition of a Canadian: Somebody who knows how to make love in a canoe. - Pierre Berton 
    Definition of a Californian: Somebody who knows how to make love in a car while driving. - Bierre Bottom
  128. Time heals all wounds. - Anonymous 
    Time wounds all heals. - Irving Brecher 
    Heels wound all the time. - Swerving Lecher
  129. I say violence is necessary.  It is as American as cherry pie. - H. Rap Brown 
    I say violence is not necessary, but it sells in America better than cherry pie. -  Hit Rap Sownd
  130. An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. - John Buchan 
    An atheist is a man who means he has no divisible support. - Join Youchan
  131. Life is one long process of getting tired. -  Samuel Butler 
    A wife is one long process of getting tried. - Same Rutler
  132. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true. - James B. Cabell 
    The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears this is true; and the pragmatist doesn't care. - A. Brave Cowbois
  133. A lie can be half-way around the world before truth has got his boots on. - James Callaghan 
    A lie can be half-way out the back before truth has got his shorts on. - V.D. Caughtaghan
  134. An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself. - A. Camus 
    An intellectual is someone who minds what he watches. - T.V. Cameatus
  135. It was a blonde.  A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window. -  Raymond Chandler 
    It was Madonna.  A madonna to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window  May I. Handler
  136. We are all worms.  But I do believe that I am a glow-worm. - Winston Churchill 
    We are all worms.  And I know my nose is a glow-worm. - Winestain Churchill
  137. What we're saying today is that you're either part of the solution or you're part of the problem. - Eldridge Cleaver 
    What we're saying today is that the solution is partly the problem. - E. Too Clever
  138. War is too serious a matter to entrust to military men. - Clemenceau 
    Golf is too serious a matter to entrust to millinery men  Somemensayceau
  139. The worst tragedy for a poet is to be admired through being misunderstood. - Jean Cocteau 
    Not the worst tragedy for a poet is to be admired though being undressed. - Andhis Cocteau
  140. Life is a horizontal fall. - Jean Cocteau 
    Life is a horizontal ball. -  Forhis Cocteau
  141. There is more difference within the sexes than between the sexes. - Dame Compton-Burnett 
    There is more different sexual preference than sex with a real difference. - Dame Comeon-Coolett
  142. Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising. - Cyril Connolly 
    Whom the gods wish to delay they first promise to call. - I. Will Callonya
  143. Nice guys finish last. -  Leo Durocher 
    For nice gals, nice guys finish last, but they don't string it out too long. - Leo Getoffher
  144. Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. - Albert Einstein 
    Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind, and both without philosophy are deaf and dumb. -  Al Hurtenstein
  145. In every well-governed state, wealth is a sacred thing; in democracies it is the only sacred thing. - Anatole France 
    In every poor-governed state, wealth is a scarce thing; in democracies it is only a scared thing   Anybodytole France
  146. Chastity–the most unnatural of all the sexual perversions. - Aldous Huxley 
    Chastity–a most unnatural sexual preference, and the most unnatural of all the sexual perversions. -  Alldo Hussey
  147. Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. - Aldous Huxley 
    Faces do not cease to exist because they are ignorant. - Altou Toxically
  148. It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. - Dolores Ibarruri
    It is better to lie on your back than to lie about your feats. - M.I. Inarhuri
  149. The thing is, you see, that the strongest man in the world is the man who stands most alone. - Henrik Ibsen 
    The thing is, you see, that the strangest man in the world is the man who stands most alone. - Tieaux H. Hisown
  150. Take the life-lie away from the average man and straight away you take away his happiness       Henrik Ibsen
    Take the lime-light away from the average celebrity and straight away you take away his happiness. -  Tieaux H. Hisown
  151. The aim of education is the knowledge not of facts but of values. - Dean Inge 
    The aim of learning is the knowledge not of values but of survival. - Dingey
  152. I am a camera with its shutter open, quite passive, recording, not thinking. - C. Isherwood 
    I am a chimera with its substance gone, quite elusive, receding, not being. - I.C. Wishewash
  153. To kill a human being is, after all, the least injury you can do to him. - Henry James 
    To still a human being is, sometimes, the most injury and the best favor you can do to him. - Only Jamhim
  154. The deepest principle of Human Nature is the craving to be appreciated. - William James 
    The deepest principle of Human Nature, the craving to be appreciated, is raving to be appreciated. -  Pa Jamees
  155. There is no worse lie than a truth misunderstood by those who hear it. - William James 
    There is no worse life lived than by those who understand a truth and reject it. - Pa Jamees
  156. It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. - J. K. Jerome 
    It is impossible to enjoy working thoroughly unless one has gotten plenty tired of idling. - O.K. Werome
  157. I like work; it fascinates me.  I can sit and look at it for hours J. K. Jerome 
    I like a working TV; it fascinates me.  I can sit and look at it for hours. - O.K. Werhome
  158. A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them. - Carl Jung 
    A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions is probably trying to tiptoe around them. - Itzcald Joung
  159. It's often better to be in chains than to be free. -  Franz Kafka 
    It's often better to be in chains than to be on a spree. - Franzy Kaka
  160. If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. - Florence Kennedy 
    If men could get pregnant, abortion would be regnant. - Floor Onceaday
  161. I submit to you that if a man hasn't discovered something he will die for, he isn't fit to live. - M. L. King 
    I submit to you that if a woman hasn't discovered something she will cry for, she isn't fit to live with. - M. L. Ting
  162. Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. - M. L. King 
    Nothing in all the world is more sincere than ignorance and more conscientious than stupidity. - Don' B. Kind
  163. We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools. -  M. L. King 
    We got to jive together, you mothuhs, or pack it in as honkie tools. - A. Mudd Sling
  164. Friends....are God's apology for relatives . - Hugh Kingsmill
    If friends are God's apology for relatives, I need a more sincere apology. -  Huge King Smile
  165. Everyone is more or less mad on one point. - Rudyard Kipling 
    Everyone is more or less smacked on one pint. - Rudyhard Tipling
  166. The female of the species is more deadly than the male. - Rudyard Kipling 
    The male of the species is more ready than the female. - Rudy the Rapking
  167. Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind. - Rudyard Kipling 
    If words are the most powerful drug used by mankind, is it even right to just say no? - Anyold Rapking
  168. Down to Gehenna or up to the Throne, he travels the fastest who travels alone          Rudyard Kipling 
    Down the road or up the Hiway, he travels the worst who travels my way. - Wreckyard Kripling
  169. Power is the great aphrodisiac. - Henry Kissinger 
    If power is the great aphrodisiac, money is the easiest to use. - Ornery Kisstinger
  170. Poems are made by fools like me,
    But only God can make a tree. - Joyce Kilmer 
    Lines are filled by fools like moi,
    But only tits can fill a bra. - Rejoyce Filmher
  171. If we want things to stay as they are, things will have to change. - Giuseppe di Lampedusa 
    If we want people to stay as they are, people will have to change. - Giusteppein di duda
  172. If you take the game of life seriously, if you take your nervous system seriously, if you take your sense organs seriously, if you take the energy process seriously, you must turn on, tune in and drop out. - Timothy Leary 
    If you take the game seriously, if you take the point spread seriously, if you take your bet seriously, if you're seriously nervous, you must turn it on, tune it in and sweat it out. - T.V. Bleary
  173. Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. -  Fran Lebowitz 
    Lying is something to do when you can't get to sneak. - Tryan El Bluffitz
  174. Food is an important part of a balanced diet. -  Fran Lebowitz 
    Aging is an important part of balanced dying. - Flyan Elbowitz
  175. The new electronic interdependence recreates the world in the image of a global village. - Marshall McLuhan 
    The new electronic dependence reduces the world to the image of a global village idiot. - Marshall McDillon
  176. Art is a revolt against fate. -  Andre Malraux 
    Art Deco is a revolt against taste. - Arte Thraux
  177. An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience. - Don Marquis 
    An optometrist is a guy that never thinks you experience good vision. - Don' Mayquit
  178. In this life he laughs longest who laughs last. - John Masefield 
    In this age, he laughs loudest who laughs all the way to the bank. - John Misrefield
  179. Impropriety is the soul of wit. - Somerset Maugham 
    Inebriety is the smell of the soul. - Somesay Daugham
  180. I feel like a fugitive from th' law of averages. - Bill Mauldin 
    I feel like a refugee from return to the mean. - Bellshape Maudlin
  181. Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to be as mediocre as possible. - Margaret Mead 
    If women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to be as mediocre as possible, then behind every successful man is a mediocre woman. - Cigaret I. Nead
  182. Money couldn't buy friends but you get a better class of enemy. - Spike Milligan 
    Money can't buy friends but it will get you kissed in interesting places. - Bite Meagain
  183. If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research. - Wilson Mizner 
    If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research; if you steal from everybody, it's called pulling it all together. - Wills A. Mizer
  184. Good taste and humour....are a contradiction in terms, like a chaste whore. - Malcom Muggeridge 
    Good taste and being chaste are contra-indicated to humouring a whore. - May I. Muggerwhat?
  185. The orgasm has replaced the Cross as the focus of longing and the image of fulfillment. - Malcom Muggeridge 
    If the orgasm has replaced the Cross as the focus of longing and the image of fulfillment, does this mean we are having fun yet? - Welcom D. Mutheridge
  186. God gives us our relatives–thank God we can choose our friends. - Mumford, Herford, and Mizner 
    God gives us our relatives–thank God we didn't choose them. - Twoford and Mizer
  187. Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf. - Lewis Mumford 
    If our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf, its scent is diesel smoke. - Lews Hum Ford
  188. The trouble with a kitten is THAT
    eventually it becomes a CAT. -  Ogden Nash 
    The trouble with kissin' is THET
    eventually it becomes a PET. - Oghten Wish
  189. God in his wisdom made the fly
    and then forgot to tell us why. - Ogden Nash 
    God in his wisdom made the flea
    and then forgot to tell us wheeee! - Denture Nash
  190. All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. - George Orwell 
    All females can squeal but some females can squeal more than others. -  Gorgeous Orswell
  191. In our time, political speech and writing are largely the defence of the indefensible. - George Orwell 
    In our time, political speech and writing are largely the descent into the indecent. - Worse Aswell
  192. In olden days a glimpse of stocking
    was looked on as something shocking.
    Now, heaven knows,
    anything goes. -  Cole Porter 
    In olden days a glimpse of stocking
    was looked on as something shocking.
    In modern days a glimpse of thigh
    is looked upon with heartfelt sigh.
    Now, heaven knows,
    everything shows. -  Cool Garter
  193. Self-love seems so often unrequited . - Anthony Powell 
    Self-help seems so often unrequited, but at least these days it's not unsuggested or unrequested. - Anthoney Power
  194. A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo 
    A good lobbyist with his influence can steal more than can a hundred lawyers with briefcases. - Mario Pol Puko
  195. If you want to get along, go along. - Sam Rayburn 
    If you want to go with the flow, just go follow. - Same Yourburn
  196. Well, all I know is what I read in the papers. - Will Rogers 
    Well, all I see is what I watch on TV. - Will Rotyas
  197. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. - Eleanor Roosevelt 
    No one can make you feel superior without your pretense. - Eleanor Roostewell
  198. My pessimism goes to the point of suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists. - Jean Rostand 
    My cynicism goes to the point of suspecting the cynicism of the cynics. - Jean Roustem
  199. Kill a man, and you are an assassin.  Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror.  Kill everyone, and you are a god. - Jean Rostand 
    Kill a man, and you are an assassin.  Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror.  Kill almost everyone, and you are a god.  Kill everybody and you are nothing. - Clean Jean Roastem
  200. A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted. - Helen Rowland 
    A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted and the verve extinguished. - Hell n’ Rollin
  201. Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something. - Bertrand Russell 
    Man is a incredible animal, and must usually relieve something. - Bert Randy Rustle
  202. Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. - Bertrand Russell 
    Beer is the main source of inebriation, and one of the main sources of foolery. - Wetyour Whistle
  203. We want better reasons for having children than not knowing how to prevent them. - Dora Russell 
    We want better reasons for having children than not caring how to prevent them.. - Donya Fussell
  204. Slang is a language that rolls up its sleeves, spits on its hands and goes to work.. - Carl Sandburg 
    Rap is language that pulls down its pants, spits at its shame and goes to wreck. - Churl Sandbag
  205. The truth is cruel, but it can be loved. - Santayana 
    If the truth is cruel but can be loved, a lie can be loved, but that is fatal. - Sayagaina
  206. Radio and Television....have succeeded in lifting the manufacture of banality out of the sphere of handicraft and placed it in that of a major industry. - Nathalie Sarraute 
    Television has succeeded in lifting the manufacture of depravity out of the sphere of fringe society and placed it in that of a major industry. - Nasthalie Sotreau
  207. When the rich wage war it's the poor who die. - Sartre 
    When the righteous wage war, it's the right that dies. -  Sortre
  208. We have the kind of advertising we deserve. -  Dorothy L. Sayers 
    If we have the kind of advertising we deserve, thank God for the mute button. - N.O. Hearers
  209. Martyrdom...is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability. - Shaw
    If martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability, a lot of people are going to be disappointed to learn how they can be famous. - Pfshaw
  210. There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. - Shaw 
    There are two tragedies in life.  One is not to get your heart's desire.  The other is to get it when you are not ready for it. - Pfshaw
  211. The golden rule is that there are no golden rules. -  Shaw 
    The golden rule is that rules are merely gold-plated. -  Pfshaw
  212. My specialty is being right when other people are wrong. - Shaw 
    My specialty is being bright when other people are dull. - Pfshaw
  213. Nothing knits man to man....like the frequent passage from hand to hand of cash. - Walter Sickert 
    Nothing knits man to man, just like bees and honey,
    as the passage from hand to hand of filthy lucre money. - Wealthier Sickheart
  214. In reality, killing time is only the name for another of the multifarious ways by which Time kills us. - Osbert Sitwell 
    If you are trying to kill time, remember that in reality, Time is killing you. - O. Don Sitstill
  215. Those who set out to serve both God and Mammon soon discover that there is no God. - L. P. Smith 
    Those who set out to serve both God and Mammon soon lose their ability to tell the difference. - L. Ping Mithery
  216. A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. -  Gloria Steinem 
    A man without a woman is like a fish without a monthly cycle. - Glory Signem
  217. The poet is the priest of the invisible. - Wallace Stevens
    The cynic is the priest of the irascible. - Walleyes Starvens
  218. A lie is an abomination to the Lord, and a very present help in trouble. - Adlai Stevenson 
    A lie is an abomination to the Lord, and may be a present help in trouble.
    But if you have to tell one,
    then your simple trouble could double. - Adlie Andthensom
  219. Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind.  In the nineteenth century, it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure. - Thomas Szasz 
    Masters and Johnson: the primary sexual authorities of America.  In the 's we wondered; in the 's we're not sure. - Who Szasz
  220. Two wrongs don't make a right. - Ancient Proverb 
    Two wrongs don't make a right, but they imply a pattern. - Aintit Proven
  221. If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.. - Thomas Szasz 
    If you have a problem you can talk to God.  If God talks to you, you have more than one problem. - Everyone Szasz
  222. Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. - von Szent-Gyorgyi 
    Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen, thinking what nobody has thought and then proving you are sane. - Ivas Szent-Gyooni
  223. I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. - S.G. Tallentyre 
    I disapprove of what you say, and I will defend to the death my right to not have you repeat it. - K.G. Tellantyred
  224. I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret Thatcher 
    I am an exclamatory patient, provided I get the needle in my end. - Ma Great Thrasher
  225. I never give them hell.  I just tell the truth, and they think it is hell. - Harry Truman 
    I never give them hell.  I just let them see it ahead of time. - Hearye Trueman
  226. I've been rich and I've been poor.  Rich is better. - Sophie Tucker 
    I've been a bitch and I've been a boor.  Which is better? - Sophtlie Toucher
  227. Man is the only animal that blushes.  Or needs to. - Mark Twain 
    Man is the only animal that blushes.  Or at least nerds do. - MacTwang
  228. One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain 
    In golf, one of the most striking differences between a par and a lie is that a lie can result in a par, and a par can be the result of a lie. - MacTwang
  229. Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right. - L. van der Post 
    Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when you are right and they are convinced beyond doubt that you are wrong. - I.L. Pan der Most
  230. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. - Harry Vaughn 
    If you can't stand the eats, get out to the kitchen. - Hairy Faughn
  231. It is not enough to succeed.  Others must fail  Gore Vidal 
    It is not enough to succeed.  Others must flail Gore Emall
  232. Take it from me, marriage isn't a word...it's a sentenceKing Vidor 
    Now you take my marriage; it's a sentence turning into a paragraph when I need a parole       King Vhinor
  233. What is a highbrow?  He is a man who has found something more interesting than women. - Edgar Wallace 
    What is a lowbrow?  He is a man who has found more interesting women than a highbrow. - Ed Garrish
  234. All sins are attempts to fill voids. - Simone Weil
    Attempting all sins avoids just filling in time. - Sime Wail
  235. It's better to be looked over than overlooked. - Mae West
    It's better to be asked before than asked after. - Mae B. Arrest
  236. A man in the house is worth two in the street. - Mae West
    A women of the street is worth more in a house. - Mae I. Rest
  237. Marriage is a bribe to make a housekeeper think she's a householder. - Thornton Wilder
    Marriage is a bribe to make a lover feel better about being a wife. - Thorny Widder
  238. The innocent and the beautiful have no enemy but time. - W. B. Yeats
    The innocent and the beautiful have no time for their enemies. - W. B. Yeast
 

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