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  one who is striking at the root."
- Henry David Thoreau
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Advice on Intoxication
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The Brothers Karamazov
How the World Will End
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Model for Visions & Dreams
Telepathic Ability
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Personal Experience
Spiritual versus Material
Unity Agreement Outline
Unity Church Letter
Some Conclusions
Pensée Journal Issues
What is a Prophet?
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GOD'S TOTAL QUALITY MANAGEMENT QUESTIONNAIRE
03/26/2019

If God operated his program like a political party, an automotive corporation or a big church, he might send out to members and converts a questionnaire comparable to the one below:
_______________________________________________________

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better
serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following
questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely
confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you
prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions. (We do not encourage a
request for direct response since it could entail unknown risks)

1. How did you find out about God? (check all that apply)
(__) Newspaper   (__) Religious Flyer   (__) Radio Evangelism
(__) Television Evangelism   (__) Internal Inspiration
(__) Word of mouth   (__) Near Death Experience
(__) Tabloid   (__) Burning Shrubbery
(__) Bible  (__)  Torah   (__) Magazine
(__) Spontaneous combustion of a friend or enemy
(__) Other (specify): ________________________________ 

2. Which model of God did you acquire?
(__) El   (__) Father, Son & Holy Ghost Trinity
(__) Jehovah   (__) Christ   (__) Thor
(__) Allah   (__) Satan   (__) Beelzebub
(__) Great Spirit   (__) Mysterium Tremendum
(__) None of the above. I won't be taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you unsullied, with all aspects in good
repute and with no obvious disparaged or missing attributes?
(__) Yes   (__) No

If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered.  Since God
has heard it all, please limit your insipid response to 25 words or less.

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a god from an
external source?
(check all that apply)
(__) Indoctrinated by parents
(__) Indoctrinated by society
(__) Needed a reason to live
(__) Needed focus in who to despise
(__) Needed something supernatural
(__) Outgrew my imaginary friend
(__) Romantic partner is a church attendee
(__) Hate to think for myself
(__) Fear of dying/death
(__) Guilt, guilt, and more guilt
(__) Wanted to meet girls/boys
(__) Wanted to piss off parents
(__) Needed a day away from work
(__) Desperate need for certainty
(__) I Like Organ Music
(__) Need to feel Morally Superior
(__) Couldn't pass up Pascal's wager
(__) My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it
(__) Other (specify): ________________________________________

5. Have you ever worshipped a God before?   (__) Yes   (__) No

If Yes, which false god(s) were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

(__) Odin   (__) Kukulkan
(__) Brahma   (__) Buddha
(__) Zeus   (__) The Almighty Dollar
(__) Apollo   (__) Left Wing Liberalism
(__) Ra (__)   Barney T.B.P.D.
(__) The Great Spirit   (__) The Great Pumpkin
(__) The Sun   (__) Bill Clinton
(__) The Moon   (__) A burning cabbage
(__) The Bomb   (__) Other: _____________________________

6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition
to God?
Please check all that apply.

(__) Tarot cards  (__) Lottery tickets
(__) Astrology   (__) Television hype shows
(__) Fortune cookies   (__) Ann Landers
(__) Psychic Friends Network   (__) Dianetics
(__) Palmistry   (__) Playboy and/or Playgirl
(__) Self-help books   (__) Sex, Drugs and Rock n' Roll
(__) Biorhythms   (__) Bill Clinton
(__) Tea Leaves   (__) ESP   (__) FaceBook
(__) Mantras   (__) Anthony Robbins
(__) Crystals   (__) Human Sacrifice
(__) Pyramids   (__) Wandering around a desert
(__) Motorcycles   (__) Internet/electronic poker
(__) Insurance policies   (__) Burning Shrubbery
(__) Barney T.B.P.D.   (__) Other: _____________________________
(__) Adele   (__) None

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the
balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer?

(check one)

(__)  More Divine Intervention
(__)  Less Divine Intervention
(__)  Current level of Divine Intervention is just about right
(__)  Don't know...what's Divine Intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles.
Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent) his handling
of each of the following (circle one rating for each)

a. Disasters
political elections 1  2  3  4  5
floods 1  2  3  4  5
famines 1  2  3  4  5
earthquakes 1  2  3  4  5
hurricanes 1  2  3  4  5
UN resolutions 1  2  3  4  5
wars 1  2  3  4  5
pestilences 1  2  3  4  5
disease plagues 1  2  3  4  5
SPAM 1  2  3  4  5
USA Congress 1  2  3  4  5
My computer 1  2  3  4  5
My love life  1  2  3  4  5

b. Miracles
rescues 1  2  3  4  5
spontaneous combustions 1  2  3  4  5
spontaneous remissions 1  2  3  4  5
stars hovering over towns 1  2  3  4  5
crying statues 1  2  3  4  5
water changing to wine 1  2  3  4  5
walking on water (other than the Hudson)  1  2  3  4  5
talking flaming shrubbery 1  2  3  4  5
DVRs that accept recording time settings 1  2  3  4  5
Kim Jong Un still being alive 1  2  3  4  5
Libido/performance boosting drugs 1  2  3  4  5
Cubs winning the Series 1  2  3  4  5
Donald Trump's election 1  2  3  4  5

9. Now and then (every few thousand years) God gets the urge to make a major pronouncement. Are you currently satisfied with the number of commandments? Or would you like to see:

(__)  More commandments  Suggestion; _______________________________________
(__)  Less commandments   Suggestion; _______________________________________
(__)  10 is just about right
(__)  I don't pay that much attention

And which commandment do you have the most trouble with or would like changed? God knows, but would like you to check you're own level of awareness,,

(__)  (Please! Just one number. You get no extra credit for writing "all".)

10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? Since God has heard it all before, please limit your banal, unenlightened, impertinent response to 25 words or less.

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

God thanks you for your time and attention. Just don't expect any major changes.

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